So I was in a relationship with my girl and it was REAL

Like we spent the best part of two years together and I felt a real connection with her. We had so much in common and were planning a future together, although with no hard plans like plane tickets etc. We stayed together when she went to Uni but this is when I messed up and cheated on her with my ex. I’ll explain the circumstances but I’m not trying to make excuses for myself or actions. Basically, my ex and I had a history but I was completely emotionally over her at this point and it was a momentary mistake of lust at the point. I felt like I needed human contact at that point and I missed my girl when she was at uni so much.

Anyway, I came to the conclusion at that point that I should never tell her that it happened because I knew it wouldn’t happen again and if I did tell her it would ruin our chances of a passionate and loving relationship. This was selfish of me but I thought it would be for the greater good in terms of our relationship. The next morning she reveals to me something else that she wasn’t supposed to find out about that I told her the night before when we were intoxicated.

Fast forward year and a bit of amazing and happy relationship although some of it was long distance to the new years 2018 and I’m at a party with her and I see my ex there and there’s some confrontation

She goes back to uni then breaks up with me the next day. I couldn’t handle it and I thought since we were now broken up she deserved to know the truth (like she did all along) so I messaged her about it and told her outright what happened when it happened and how it happened and the circumstances. Fast forward to now, she has called me a few times and messaged me a few times late at night when she was drunk and or depressed and I felt horrible because I was her first boyfriend and first time, so naturally, I responded because she seemed to be in a really bad place without me. We chose that meeting up at Easter was a good idea.

This is until our most recent Skype call where she talked to me saying that she effectively thought that I 100% for certain wanted to get back together with her at Easter (which I definitely do without a doubt when we’re both ready) so I told her that I don’t know if I’ll be ready to get back with her at that point in my life i. She took it the wrong way because she thought it was me not wanting her back in spite of everything I’d done to her. She now has me blocked on a large amount of social media costa rican damer till salu and I deleted her phone number because of the NC period. What is my best course of action now? Do I try to meet up with her to try and remain friends at Easter?

She is at a university a long way away from mine and I’m scared that if we did get back together then it would fail straight away because of the stress of a long distance relationship

Should I leave it be for a few months and hope she doesn’t get a boyfriend in the meantime? I have also been writing her letters to let her know how much I think of her but without bothering her with constant notifications and messages. Is it a good idea to give these to her in person along with her possessions or maybe just mail them to her? What do you think is the best course of action here. She truly is very special to me in spite of everything that’s happened and I want nothing more than to have her back in my life and for her to be happy above all else.